Namuh's State

Namuh found his self in a strange place. The first feelings he felt were of uncertainty and comfort. You see, Namuh had no past. He just was. Neither is "he" the correct way to address him. In this state of pure emerging consciousness, he had no concept of he or she. He just was what he was, neither a he nor a she. He found himself abandoned in a sphere of darkness and desolation.

Yet, he felt that this was all to change. Immediately after he felt so, as if by magic, the world around him started changing. He could now see beautiful trees, flowing rivers and magical rays of light. If he had ever conceived heaven, which he never had, this would be his description of it. It was perfect. The sphere he was in was drifting in a cosmos full of red shadows. He felt a great need for answers. It could not be that he, a creature with no past whatsoever, could end up in this strange nirvana. The first questions he asked himself, were Who am I? and Why am I here?

He felt a shiver run down his spine produced by a thought that had tormented him from the start. Will he meet anybody at all? He could sense the presence of others but still feared to be the only one there. He felt the need of others and so he asked am I alone? Unlike us, he had to discover the answers to these deep questions without the help of others. There he was alone, confused but willing to face the challenges at all costs. He wanted to answer himself. So he started exploring his strange world.

Namuh was in a situation similar to the one early humans were in. They were the first beings who had managed to gain self-consciousness. The first Homo sapiens. The first creatures with the ability to look at themselves from a remote point of view. They had no past they could remember and in order to survive they had to adapt and learn. Most importantly, they had to cope with the stress of new situations and inexplicable phenomena.

He was lost in a world he could not explain, let alone master. He felt that the best thing to do was to go about and find any signs of life. He felt that there was. That was his aim. The first place to explore was the forest. He instinctively knew that there was life in the forest, so he approached it with caution.

At this point he stopped by the river and sat down. The thoughts that ran through his head were too much for him to handle. He had to clear his head. What surprised him was that he knew something --the fact that there should be life in the forest -that he would not otherwise have known without having a past. Did I have a past after all? What kind of entity am I and how can I conceive of such ideas? Another question lured him into curiosity. What was an idea?

He tried to resolve this crisis by analysing his current situation. He was lost in a world he could not explain. The only things he knew was that it was small, and that it had changed suddenly from a dark red world to a paradise full of vegetation and, he felt, intelligent life. Second, his first thought that he had no past was proved to be partly wrong. He knew how he felt when he had approached the forest. Something inside him told him that there could be signs of life there. Third, he could not control the world around him: like him it just was. He concluded that something else was in control of this world. Otherwise, nothing would have occurred. He needed to find out what was in control. One fact was sure. He was confused.

There were other questions that bothered him but he knew he could not find an answer to them. Not yet. He was just beginning to learn. He could not possibly know all the answers at once.

Now, Namuh knew what he had to do. This made him feel much better. He had learnt the first lesson on survival: learning to accept one's state and doing something about it. He had learnt how to analyse his position and act. If he had been here on Earth, he might have sought the help of others. He would have asked for help. But his situation was different. Namuh was different. He knew that he must find the answers to these questions alone. He felt he needed help but knew that this must be a journey he must undertake alone.

After all the thinking, Namuh felt exhausted. He had defined his stand and had made resolutions. Thus, Namuh drifted into sleep and dreamt of the sky, of the trees and of the beautiful world he had found himself in. When he was just beginning to feel secure and comforted by his dreams he was woken up. He realised that the earth was shaking. Suddenly, all the trees began sinking into it. Even the tallest trees started sinking! Panic, for the first time, struck Namuh.

At first, he could not come to terms with panic. For him, this was a strange new emotion. He saw what was once his world of possibilities sink into a state of oblivion. He realised that he could not rely on past experience this time. He had to act on instinct alone, the only thing he could trust for now. It was his only way out.

The sky went dark and in its depth he could clearly see red streaks. He wondered about what those could possibly be. Everything was new and strange. I am new and strange, he thought. As the earth below him began to sink slowly, the only thing he could do was stay calm and wait. Something wrong had happened in the world and he tried to do the most sensible thing: relax and think clearly. He sat down on the ground waiting for his own end. He feared that because he had emerged from nothingness --that was where he was now returning.

Suddenly, the world resumed its normal form. He could see that there were the trees again, and that the river was restored to its previous splendour. However, the sky had darkened and it was dark in this lonely place. Literally, night had fallen. Namuh could now meditate about what he had experienced. During the night, he thought about all that had happened to him. He was fascinated by the things that now surrounded him.

He also had a strange feeling. He felt that he had total control of his world, and yet he could do nothing about it. He suspected that he had control over his world and yet he was just another creation in his world. I think that I have caused my world to change, but yet I feel so powerless. Am I different from the trees, flowers and animals surrounding me? Was he just another word in the book of some eternal being? Was he the creator of this world? These thoughts confounded him.

His existence was the cause of so many questions! The fact that he had found himself was a riddle itself. Namuh, could stand it no longer! He had to do something. He walked across the strange world. As he walked, he realised that it was as if he knew the world somehow. It felt as if he had already done this before. But when?

Namuh did not feel threatened by the animals of his world. In fact, it was as if they were not new to him. He mixed easily with them. To an alien, such creatures would have inspired fear. But Namuh felt safe. Obviously unaware of the differences, he attempted to communicate with each and every animal he confronted. But each one of them answered him in the same way --by not saying anything!

After many desperate attempts to communicate with all he could see --he had even started talking to the trees and grass, he returned to a spot near the river where he felt safe.

Another important note I wish to make about this world is that it lacked any form of predators. The animals were all living in harmony and no disruption occurred. No animal preyed the other. They just ate the grass. No wonder Namuh did not feel the urge to kill for his survival. In fact, Namuh did not feel the need for food to survive. An unknown source kept him alive.

Namuh did not know what hunger was, for he did not feel hungry. He did not need food. In fact, he did not even conceive of such a thing as food.

But let's get back to Namuh, who was sitting near the river...

About Me

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I love blogging for the very same reason I love writing. It gives me the opportunity to express myself and my ideas to others. Yet, the great thing about blogs are their potential to reach out to people across the world. Blogging is also a means where I can explore thoughts and ideas, express my creativity and better examine who I am. As a disabled person, blogs are also tool to raise awareness about how society excludes us as disabled people through its failure to take us into account. Besides disability activism, I also enjoy creative writing and to read about a wide range of topics, ranging from science to philosophy which I also explore in my blogs.. I dream of a world that includes everyone, irrespective of our differences. A world where people have true equal rights and opportunities. A world where everyone is given the means to succeed and attain his/her full potential.

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