First Sensations

Slowly, Namuh's anger subsided and he felt his old self's optimism returning. Though he was not still quite sure who he really was, he just felt better. He wanted to experiment. He did not want to be a mere spectator in this life but an active creation, an active participator. Right now his only goal was to experience the world. He'll ponder on the questions about the meaning of his life in the future. He wanted to experience how it felt to touch and interact with the earth, its creatures and many other things.

The first thing he did was bathe in the river. He felt it was cold and refreshing. He experienced enjoyment and real freedom in the water for the first time. He felt happy! He was overwhelmed by the fluidity and simplicity of the river. This urged him to drink the water in the river. Thus he did so. It tasted good. He drank more. Never before did he conceive the river as such a beautiful creation and named it "Gyrth". That was just what a river should be called, he thought.

So, he started naming things like the first man or Adam did, the sky was called "Eisa", the green grass "Jamsel" and the trees "Kausen".

At this point, Namuh began to notice the difference between the earth, the river, plants and animals. He noticed that the earth and river were static and did not show any signs of life. The river might have flowed but it did not really change in size. The trees did, as well as the grass, because he noticed as the day progressed they grew and grew. They constantly changed.

He felt that the animals, though, were different from the trees. They could see Namuh and reacted to his presence. They escaped when they felt threatened but they accepted that occasional fruit which fell from the trees. In other words, they offered more feedback and in comparison, the trees were boring. However, trees fascinated Namuh in a different way. They did not talk but their presence filled him with awe. It might have been because the air around them rejuvenated him. Or because they burst with life and that the animals preferred to feed under them. Anyhow, trees were fascinating creatures for Namuh. However, Namuh held a special place for the animals.

Not that the animals spoke much really. He knew, though, that he was better off than them because he could communicate not just with his body but also with words. He could communicate by using language! He noticed this now.

He had no difficulty in communicating with the fairies because the fairies spoke a universal language -- one which every creature could understand. In this sense, Namuh was in an intermediate position between animals and the divine fairies. Every night, he would marvel at the dark sky above, the "Adeisa" he called it. The red streaks all over the "Adeisa", he called the "Manthar". The "Manthar" was like a giant aurora, only red.

He felt better able to describe the world around him by naming the things he saw. Now he could talk about them and define his world better -- he did not have to define what the word "Manthar" meant every time. Words captured meaning. The Manthar was the thing that fascinated him most. It made him feel as if it was the link between his creator and himself. He always sought refuge from his troubles at night by looking at the Manthar. It became his hope and an object of curiosity: What was the Manthar? He slept and dreamt about his new experiences and the insights he had gained through time.

The next morning, Namuh felt that he should try to offer something to the Manthar: to show his appreciation for existing. Inside him, though, he felt the need not just to thank the Manthar but talk to it. After all these days he had developed a new concept: the concept of God. He considered the Manthar as being his God. In a sense he was right, but the truth was much more complex. Too much.

Being abandoned in the world, Namuh felt a need to offer grass, the most beautiful flowers and his hopes and aspirations to the Manthar. He began to believe that the Manthar was the only reason why he was there and that he should thank the Manthar for being in this heaven. He suffered no hunger, thirst and fear. That is, except on certain rare occasions.

You could see Namuh every night kneeling near the river, offering the Manthar his best discoveries and ideas. He did so to win over his feelings of loneliness and to keep on living.

Thus, Namuh developed his own philosophy. He was Namuh, an entity, who is and just is in this planet. This planet was a large sphere travelling in the dark, red-streaked "Cosmos". The Manthar had prompted him to live and to it, whatever it was, he was grateful. He did not need proof for the Manthar's role in his creation. He Just felt it and believed it. That was his dogma.

Every day he would explore the world and seek forms of life that were like him. He had hope: he had encountered the fairies once. But every time he searched for his own kind, he failed. When night came, he stood In front of the river and started his nocturnal rituals all over again. This time, though, he knelt and prayed more solemnly than usual.

"Manthar, Manthar! I want to meet someone that I can relate to! What is the use of living alone in this paradise and be lonely. Is loneliness not another curse? Or is this my punishment? Manthar, I pray thee -- I want to meet someone I can talk to. Please."

Suddenly, a great sense of lethargy and nausea compelled him to rest. He started feeling tired and sleepy. Namuh fell straight into the earth. His prayers will be answered but at his own risk, thought Future.

That night, Namuh did not dream anything. It was as if, for just a moment, he ceased to be and that he had lost himself again.

About Me

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I love blogging for the very same reason I love writing. It gives me the opportunity to express myself and my ideas to others. Yet, the great thing about blogs are their potential to reach out to people across the world. Blogging is also a means where I can explore thoughts and ideas, express my creativity and better examine who I am. As a disabled person, blogs are also tool to raise awareness about how society excludes us as disabled people through its failure to take us into account. Besides disability activism, I also enjoy creative writing and to read about a wide range of topics, ranging from science to philosophy which I also explore in my blogs.. I dream of a world that includes everyone, irrespective of our differences. A world where people have true equal rights and opportunities. A world where everyone is given the means to succeed and attain his/her full potential.

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